Bobby Farhat

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist
5149 Moorpark Ave
Suite 107A
San Jose, CA,  95129                    

                                          Offering Telehealth now. 

Codependency

Codependency is an area that I specialized in. I have had my own share of codependency issues in my life. I remember than when I went to therapy and was told that I had codependency issues I was quite surprised. Who me?  I was just trying to help my elderly parents. The fact is that most people who have co-dependency issues are really nice people and they mean well, but what they don't realize is that they are living their lives trying to take care of everyone else but themselves! I was ironic that when I started my practice, I noticed that a large number of my client also had codependency issues. When I tell these clients that they have codependency issues they are often as surprised as I was when I was told that. One client thought that his wife was a codependent until he started going to meetings and finding out that he was the codependent and his wife was the one who was dependent on him. codependency is on the spectrum. People with codependency issues range from those who grow up in families with substance issues to people who have always been sensitive and somehow during their childhood felt responsible for fixing all the issues in their family. People who grow up in families with substance abuse issues such as alcoholism sometimes end up marrying someone with substance abuse issues and try to "fix" their problems. The is especially common in women who are thought to be caregivers. Codependency is living your life through some one else’s life. I have seen clients dragging their partner with substance abuse issues to therapy when they had no interest in getting help. People with codependency issues often stay in relationship that are abusive or imbalanced. However, once they learned to love themselves things often turn around for them. I often tell my clients with codependency issues that you need to put one hand on your heart and help others with the other hand. Never try to help other with both hand because you become vulnerable and will get hurt. The most important thing that codependents need to learn is to put themselves first and love themselves. Self-love is often the lesson that codependents need to learn in this lifetime.